Journa: 'Two months later, I took Marvin to an exciting party. Soon the idea of Big Little Secrets arose, through which we organize exciting events. We are not a swingers club, party focused, but we do have play rooms. I've also dated men who shamed me into pursuing a non-monogamous lifestyle. With Marvin, anything goes.”
Marvin: “You can love many bikes, scooters and friends, but you can only have one love. I find that strange. I think it's because of the church.”
day: We call our form of relationship “free love.” The focus is always on each other, but our antennae are out for fun adventures, like threesomes and swinging. This happens several times a year. I love that feeling of freedom and excitement. From day one we had conversations about how I would like to sleep with another couple or girl. And it's okay if he has needs, as long as he's honest. Not that we were immediately excited, but I said, “If you meet a nice girl tonight, go for it, I don't want to be one of them.”
Marvin: “At first we did everything together, including dating. Then we had a double date together in Utrecht and we were completely nervous. We looked like two teenagers in love. For the last few years we have also been going out on dates with someone separately.
day: “Marvin doesn't want to know any details, and that's completely normal. I always check in advance: I've met a boy, how far can I go? I'm going on vacation with my friends, could something happen there? We try to be aware when we ask or We tell each other something.If Marvin has had a busy day at work, I won't immediately start talking about what happened the night before, but ask when we can talk about it.
Marvin: “I really like that there are no taboos and that everything can be discussed.”
day: “Non-monogamy is hard work, because you have to always be honest with yourself and with others. Jealousy is an emotion that most people despise. I also think there's something beautiful in seeing where it comes from. I once went to someone's house to spend an evening in a hotel. I thought for half a second: Should I start having doubts about my relationship? But then I realized again that these can coexist.
Marvin: “If you're monogamous, you might want something different after ten or twenty years, and that's not usually allowed. Because everything is negotiable with us, our relationship can last forever. I really like that thought.”
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