"I was afraid to walk around in a bikini" |  Columns and view

“I was afraid to walk around in a bikini” | Columns and view

I was just on my way when I passed a group of girls about eighteen years old. Type a Victoria’s Secret model, including a mini bikini. I know I look old now, but these things are small these days, right? And cut very high! I think it’s beautiful, but I wouldn’t dare move for fear of the labia gate. And how do they get everything perfectly hair-free, without bumps?

Well, I digress. As I was walking past the group, I saw two girls at the front and I noticed them too. The two wear less luxurious clothes and a very sturdy build, but at least as beautiful as the other girls. Most people probably wouldn’t notice them, but I recognized the fumbling in the towel and the frightened look in their eyes almost immediately. This is how I stood years ago in Lloret de Mar.

stone in my stomach

Now I’ve found a balcony, and as I sip a glass of ice water, I think back to my first and last “party vacation.” I was seventeen and went to Lloret de Mar with a friend for nine days to bake on the beach, eat well, and especially leave in the evening. This holiday is just a small part of it at that age.

Weeks before that, I already had a stone in my stomach. Don’t get me wrong, I was really excited to spend time with my girlfriend, but at the same time I was terrified of walking around in my bikini and going out in dresses and shorts. From the stories I’ve heard, everyone kissed everyone on those holidays. But what if no one wants to kiss me?

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don’t attract attention

The holiday did not go as I expected. My girlfriend felt so homesick on the second day that she received physical complaints. So going out in the evening and partying until sunrise wasn’t the same – which secretly suited me. Going to the beach often paid off.

I did everything in my power to make it as easy as possible for myself there. I convinced her that it was more fun on the quieter beach and I wanted to be as close to the water as possible. Presumably because I could hear the sea very well, but in reality it was a trick to get as little attention as possible when I walked in and out of the water.

Fat roll more or less

When I think back to how I used to be in life – especially how I looked at myself – I feel like a plug. I missed a lot of opportunities and left pleasant moments spoiled by my fears. I didn’t talk about it, because I was also ashamed of the fact that I was ashamed (do you still get that?). In retrospect, I wish I knew what I know now: It doesn’t matter what other people think about you and your body is little more than a coincidence.

For me it was about my weight, and another insecure about pimples, crooked teeth, excessive hair growth, sweating or you name it… really everyone you meet has a thing. And that is exactly why there is no point in letting it destroy even one day. Who you are on the inside is more important than your appearance on the outside. We’ll beat those pimples or greasy rolls – you’re really only an idiot if you have an ugly figure.

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again seventeen

I’ve said in recent years that I’d like to be seventeen again: No responsibilities, I just work because I love it and I don’t pay rent and more than enough time to grow. But now that I think about it, I wouldn’t trade my thirty-year-old self for the insecure girl back then.

We often only talk about the negative aspects of getting older, but if I can name one positive thing, it’s that every year I feel more confident about who I am and what I look like. With this idea in mind, I made plans to spend evenings in Hersonissos. Going wild at twenty-nine is still fine, right? I have some catching up.

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