Jaelyn cut short her move: 'It's harder than moving out'

That's why the young girl turns to VU, where she has to have a number of conversations before she can go through the transition. The green light is given. “I started taking hormones when I was 13, and before that I was well supervised by people at Victoria University. They felt like I had already been through so much that I was somewhat prioritized compared to the rest. In the end, I don't know if that was a good idea, because it meant I had fewer conversations and checking to see if this was the right choice.

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in contrast

However, Jaylen, then called Jason, is going through a transition and is offered hormone blockers. In this way puberty is prevented. Even though this is what she has wanted for a long time, she does not feel happy. “I thought I would love myself if I got on hormones. That wasn't the case at all and that confused me a little bit. I just didn't want to think too much about it.”

Instead, Jaylene quickly sets new goals for herself. She is convinced that she would be really happy with herself with short hair. If that turns out not to be the case, she hopes to be happy with having her breasts removed. “I basically lived from one teacher to another, but I was never happy or pleased with myself. It was really my search for acceptance.

to treat

Once Jaylen turns 16, there is talk of having hormone injections for the first time. She is also busy planning an important operation with the VU, where her breasts will be removed. Although this must be a moment she had been looking forward to for a long time, she still doubted whether this was the right choice. “I started to notice that I wanted to wear pretty clothes and I was obsessed with unicorns. In principle, of course, it didn't have to mean anything, but it was an inner feeling that I couldn't put my finger on.

After much hesitation, Jaylyn decided to share this with a mental health professional who is helping her find herself during this time. At first, she finds this terrifying, but she eventually gets a positive response from him.

“He asked me if I was sure, and I finally admitted that I was. I had kept it in bottles for a long time because I was afraid of his reaction to it. This fear was not at all necessary, because he just indicated that he was already expecting it. That was a huge relief for me.” “And as soon as I announced that I wanted to be a girl, I started experimenting. I ordered a wig. When I put it on, I felt like everything was perfectly in place again. I've never been more thrilled than in that moment.”

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comments

However, this choice causes a lot of trouble and stress for Jaylen. Although she had no trouble telling her she was a boy, the opposite is a whole different story. “I found it more exciting than when I came out. Not necessarily for myself, but because I was afraid everyone would blame people who were sure they were born into the wrong body. I didn't want to do that to them at all. Fortunately, it wasn't “It's too bad: the people around me were very kind and supported me.”

There's also a lot of respect for Jaylen at City Hall. Within two months, she can obtain her new identity card, which indicates the gender “female.” Her new maiden name, Jaylinn, is also included. “My name was different before, but it doesn't seem right anymore after Jason. My old name reminds me of bad memories and traumas from the past. When someone calls me that, I get goosebumps. I think it's nice that things are different now.”

How are you now?

Although the search has been long, Jaylin can now finally accept herself. Now that she has long hair again and can call herself a girl, she is very happy. “Because I'm a girl by nature, I didn't have to do much to abort my transition. Everything happened completely naturally and I'm very happy about it. I feel better and more confident than ever.”

But not everything happens smoothly and naturally. Jaylene still suffers from metabolic disease and therefore fears the coming spring. “I just know that I won't be able to get out that quickly and that's okay with me. That's what makes it so hard, but I'm living and I know that everything is going to be okay. Fortunately, I can go out in the evening and still have room to do fun things.”

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