I don’t know who the granny behind Uma Wet Thunder is, but she never disappoints me

I don’t know who the granny behind Uma Wet Thunder is, but she never disappoints me

Julian Althusius

Today another nice new story about dermatology. Not with me this time, but with my youngest daughter. It started with a few spots scattered here and there on its trunk. We thought water warts. Almost on the right, it turned out to be chickenpox. In no time her little body was covered in red bumps and sores. You can give her paracetamol, the adjunct from general practice by email, “and put zinc ointment on it, which you can buy at the pharmacy.” But why listen to a medical professional when you can also rely on random advice from anonymous, unauthorized people on the Internet? Applying Vaseline was the top-rated tip on Oma Weet Raad’s “chickenpox” website. Sudocrem ranked second.

I don’t know who the granny behind Uma Wet Thunder is, but she never disappoints me. Did the ink from a ballpoint pen spill onto your clothes? “Just put milk on it and rub it with a washcloth.” Do you need to clean a CD? “Put some toothpaste on it.” Toothpaste also works great for hemorrhoids. Apply a small amount of toothpaste to the hemorrhoids regularly. My Experience: It disappears like snow in the sun. Spilled ketchup on your jacket? toothpaste. (Meanwhile, I’ve consulted Oma Weet Raad on all sorts of different matters so often that I can start a knowledge database on household discomfort myself, Julien Weet Raad. It just won’t be a very reliable database, because my answer to every problem is vinegar or soda Baking or a combination of the two. Coffee machine descaling is still good, but for cuts it becomes a little questionable. Not to mention hemorrhoids.)

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Turns out, the golden tip for chickenpox isn’t toothpaste, but an oatmeal bath. Take a water pad (or a washcloth or towel), scoop some oatmeal into it, tie it with a rubber band and let it soak in the bath, along with your baby. The water takes on a dark beige color like a polluted river. Runaway oats float here and there. It seems pretty gross, especially with a baby’s body full of scales and blisters. If you, like me, are fascinated by the sticky cotton ball that floats in the water like a half-decomposed rabbit carcass and squeeze it every now and then, you’ll see a milky, sticky substance coming out of it. I wouldn’t call it a panacea, but it helps with itching and also seems to speed up the drying of blisters. Plus – and here’s an exclusive bonus tip from Julien Weet Raad – you can use your bathwater afterwards to make your own oatmeal. This is what you call a win-win situation.

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