My hair loss is much less and my hair is growing again. Seems to be stable for a while around my hair. This is very beautiful and I am happy every day when I look in the mirror and see small hairs growing and I do not remove bunches, but bunches from the shower drain. But since when has this been the case?
This question really haunts me. Looking at pictures of overflowing shower drains from three months ago makes me want to cry. I panic come back and just think: I don’t want this again! Unfortunately, I am sure this will happen again. You haven’t had hair loss in a while but unfortunately for the rest of your life…
Sometimes I think: If only I had continued and I would have gone bald. By this I may offend the people to whom this has happened, because they may think: “Don’t complain, you still have hair!” I understand this too, but sometimes insecurities seem to matter more to me than hair loss and thinning of the hair itself. “What if…” comes to my mind several times every day.
A very concrete example: Winter Sports 2023. This will take some time, but plans are slowly being made. I’m a true winter sports enthusiast and can’t wait to get back on the slopes! But then my thoughts started bouncing and all I could think of was: What if I’ve lost a lot of hair again by then? What if we’re at a house with friends and I panick while showering or brushing teeth? And very practical, for example: How about that stupid helmet? Every winter sports fan will know that such a helmet perfectly matches your haircut. When my hair is as thin as it is now or even thinner due to a new phase of hair loss, I hardly dare to take that helmet off, because then you can see my crushed hair on my skull. And so I sometimes talk about any event in the future.
Unfortunately, the next period of hair loss may be closer than I would like. In the short term, my partner and I want to start hormone therapy for our desire to have children. I have PCOS and this means I am not ovulating and need help (initially) from birth control pills which hopefully will trigger it. In my case this would be Letrozole. A side effect of letrozole? hair loss; The package insert shows that this happens in 1 to 10 people out of every 100, but of course you’ll see that I’m a victim of that.
I also asked my Radboud University dermatologist if he thought that because of my alopecia I would automatically suffer faster from the “hair loss” side effects when using Letrozole. He couldn’t guarantee me anything, but he couldn’t see why that was related to one person. So I have to be somehow hopeful that I’m going to get out of the dance this time around. Despite my positive approach to life, I’ve often drawn the short straw and when it comes to myself I often think “Well…this must hurt my luck doubly.”
But whatever the future may be, today it is stable. I really try to live today and stop my thoughts when they work overtime about the uncertain future. Let’s be honest: no one can predict the future. I’m not a dermatologist and neither am I, so my mission becomes (or shouldn’t call it that, because it becomes a “necessity” again): Mindfulness!
Follow Anne’s daily struggles via @hairtrouwdmetanne on Instagram.
